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Post by rikki_rakko on Apr 7, 2004 3:23:07 GMT -7
Hello all,
I'm a big fan of The Onyx Chef, but how am I supposed to take him seriously when he keeps recommending places like Frogy's and Micken Chicken? I'm starting to think that the whole thing is some kind of joke.
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Post by Cochino on Apr 8, 2004 7:58:36 GMT -7
Dear Rikki,
Btw, welcome to the board (sorry I never said that before),
The thing about the Onyx is that he isn't afraid to let the events of his personal life color his food choices. Thus, when you see some of the more outlandish or odd choices, you can bet "dollars to donuts" that the Onyx himself is going through a rough patch. Also, Micken Chicken isn't so bad, as long as you don't mind burping up heinous chicken garlic gas some five hours later.
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Post by baltimore_buh-ric on Apr 18, 2004 13:15:25 GMT -7
rikki, I know you want to believe, so here's something to believe: the Onyx has been slacking off. It's been at least two weeks since he's posted a new food plan, so it's time for something new:
Ladies and gentlemen of the RDS Message Board, I give you--
CHEF buh-ric'S buh-ric OVEN CHOICES
That's right, the buh-ric is now in the food plan game, renewing the vitality of a service that seems to have lost the "outside the box" thinking that once made it great. Move over, Onyx - there's a new chef in town!
Chef buh-ric's buh-ric Oven Choices for the week of April 19-24, 2004:
Monday: Porto's - try the Torta de Pollo. Pressed grilled chicken on a freshly made torta roll, with goat cheese, black bean spread, lettuce, tomato, and red onion, for a taste that will leave you smiling.
Tuesday: Sansai - had the Tempura Roll yet? No? Why not give it a try?
Wednesday: Make your own lunch! Maybe a Sangwich, or some of that delicious leftover pasta or stir-fry you made the night before. Why let something die a slow death in the back of your refrigerator when it can satisfy you on day two? Now that's some "outside the box" thinking - outside the take-out box, that is!
Thursday: Da Juice Bar - maybe try and eat healthy for once. Chef buh-ric suggests the #1 combo: a garden burger and a freshly made smoothie. buh-ric likes the Tropical smoothie, but they have a large selection. Choose your own! This isn't a dictatorship.
Friday: Chevy's - I suggest the Taquitos Paloma...tender chunks of pigeon wrapped in corn tortillas, and delicately fried until golden brown. Albert, Chef buh-ric thinks you'll find this dish muy delicioso!
That's this week's choices from the buh-ric. These are suggestions only - take them at your own risk. But remember this: sometimes with risk comes great reward!
So Says the buh-ric!
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Post by rikki_rakko on Apr 18, 2004 22:40:22 GMT -7
Oh my God. I don't know what to say.
I think a topic like this deserves its own thread.
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Post by gorillapimp on Apr 18, 2004 22:41:50 GMT -7
So says the buh-ric?!!! Puh-lease! Everybody wants to get into the act! What kind of name is buh-ric for a chef? Who the hell would want to eat any meal from a chef named buh-ric?! But whatever. I'll just say "Onyx Now, Onyx Forever!"
And what's wrong with Frogy's? It was a damn descent honest to goodness Hot Dog stand. I doubt that Rikki even tasted a good polish dog with sauerkraut, jalopenos,ketchup and mustard. I think the only joke is Rikki's close-mindedness. But I'm not one to judge.
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Post by baltimore_buh-ric on Apr 19, 2004 10:48:03 GMT -7
First of all, gorillapimp, welcome to the board.
Secondly, it seems as though you take some measure of umbrage with the buh-ric's buh-ric Oven Choices. At no time did I suggest that there is something wrong with a hot dog from Frogy's. I didn't even bring up Frogy's. But now that you mention it, the buh-ric's only issue with Frogy's is the poor spelling demonstrated by said stand's owner. Froggy is spelled f-r-o-g-g-y. But hey, I'm not going to knock the guy's hot dogs. More power to him, and to those who wish to sample his wares.
And as for your problem with a chef named "buh-ric," has it occurred to you that onyx is a mineral of similar hardness? Chew on that and see if you don't break a tooth.
So says the buh-ric!
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Post by gorillapimp on Apr 19, 2004 23:01:41 GMT -7
Listen here Dick, oh I mean buh-ric, if you had read the e-mail correctly, you would have noticed that I was refering to Rikki's comment about Frogy's. Now as you may be able to tell, I am a staunch supporter of the Onyx. And I am greatly disturbed by the fair-weather fanship of the Rough Draft denizens. The Onyx has been there to help guide your lunch plans for a long time. He did it with no thank you or asking for any kind of congratulatory pat on the back. And they turn on him, because some slick talking Svengali puts down some cute little food descriptions,but they look like the same choices that the Onyx has made in the past.I say that the buh-ric is all style and no substance. Some old leftovers packaged in a pretty colorful presentation and sold to you as new. My question Mr. buh-ric is, are you in for the love or love of attention? Time will tell. So says the 'Pimp p.s. Thank you for the welcome  |
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Post by Cochino Muerto on Apr 20, 2004 8:13:23 GMT -7
I've got to side with Gorilla on this one, buh-ric. It does seem that the buh-ric is trying to bogart into the Chef's arena, and it is true that the Onyx has mentioned those very same places before. True, he doesn't give suggestions, but you can't have it all.
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Post by baltimore_buh-ric on Apr 20, 2004 10:35:05 GMT -7
What's wrong with a little friendly competition, boys? Look, the buh-ric isn't trying to "bogart" anything. He has a healthy admiration for good works of the Onyx, and the service he provides from time to time, when he's not mysteriously off somewhere doing who knows what. The buh-ric is just looking to provide an alternative, and maybe, just maybe, trying to get the great Onyx to elevate his game to a new level. I think the point you're missing here, 'pimp, is that it's about choice. Follow the Onyx's food plan if you so choose - it's no skin off the back of the buh-ric if you don't get on board the buh-ric train. And to answer your question, am I "in for the love or the love of attention?" It's for the love, brutha. So Says the buh-ric! p.s. You're welcome for the welcome, 'pimp.  And thanks for the compliment - I am "slick talking." |
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Post by Cochino on Apr 22, 2004 0:03:55 GMT -7
So a buh-ric walks in to a bar and he sees the Onyx Chef sitting by the bartender. He sees, "Hey bartender, give me a glass of milk, straight up." The Onyx Chef looks at him and says, "Why don't you try a little Micken Chicken with that milk?"
The buh-ric drinks the glass of milk, puts it down on the bar and slaps the Onyx Chef across the face.
To be continued...
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Post by rikki_rakko on Apr 22, 2004 1:00:14 GMT -7
Cochino, did you witness this bar room face-off yourself? I ask because, well, you sound kinda drunk.  |
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Post by Cochino on Apr 23, 2004 0:10:34 GMT -7
Joke continued...
So the Onxy Chef says, "Hey, what the hell did you do that for??!!!
to be continued...
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Post by baltimore_buh-ric on Apr 26, 2004 10:23:38 GMT -7
Undaunted by jokes, controversy, or criticism, Chef buh-ric returns with...
CHEF buh-ric'S buh-ric OVEN CHOICES
for the week of 4/26-4/30, 2004:
Monday: Cleo & Cucci. D@mn, it's hot! Let's eat light. Chef buh-ric suggests the China Chicken Salad. Fresh greens, cool chicken, and juicy mandarin orange slices make this a summertime delight.
Tuesday: Calypso Grill. How about a California Quesadilla with chicken? No? Okay, make your own choice, hot shot.
Wednesday: Zeke's BBQ. Hop in the car and head up to the Glendale suburb of Montrose for a little authentic barbecue. Chef buh-ric reccomends the Carolina Pulled Pork Sangwich and hush puppies with honey butter. D@mn, that's a good choice! The buh-ric astounds even himself.
Thursday: Tep Thai. VIP Noodles for that very important person in the buh-ric's life, dear reader - you.
Friday: In & Out Burger. Try a Double-Double, protein-style. Make yourself feel better about gorging on all that delicious fat by foregoing the carbs! That's not what Chef buh-ric's going to do - he likes carbs - but you do what you have to do to stay on the fad train.
There you have it folks - week two of Chef buh-ric's buh-ric Oven Choices. Enjoy!
So Says the buh-ric!
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Post by baltimore_buh-ric on Apr 27, 2004 11:31:00 GMT -7
Friends and fans:
Today the Onyx has posted a new meal plan for the week that was accompanied by a message so moving, I feel I must post it here for all to read:
"Recently it has come to my knowledge that I have an "ally" in the weekly food plan game. I say ally because there is always room for a member of the culinary brotherhood to contribute to the well-balanced diet of our fellow man. Some may say, "Onyx, you're letting them punk out of your spot!" I say, "Don't make me go upside your head, pregnant dog! The Onyx aint no punk." This is about choice and diversity. And isn't that what this great country and it's government driven by? The freedom to choose where and whatever you want to eat. Whether you follow me or someone else, rest assured that I will always continue to give you my all with great consideration and thought to the various and most discerning of palettes and wallets. And always remember that these are suggestions and not set in stone.
Don't cry for me 'cause I aint dead yet
Onyx Out"
The buh-ric always knew that the reclusive Onyx's heart was as great as his culinary prowess, and this note proves it. The subscriber response to the Onyx Chef's meal plan describes the Onyx as a chef most "tender and succulent," and it's clear from this missive that tender and succulent he is.
This should put to rest any of the controversy suggesting that I, Chef buh-ric, was out to put Chef Onyx out of business. To the contrary, the Onyx's welcome should point out to all that when educating the world to the great pleasures of good gastronomy, there is no competition - with the notable exception of television's thrilling "Iron Chef" program - only the fine spirit of bonhomie.
Long live the Onyx!
So Says the buh-ric!
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Post by FloCastleberry on Apr 27, 2004 21:38:06 GMT -7
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Post by baltimore_buh-ric on Apr 28, 2004 17:39:55 GMT -7
Flo-
It's come to my attention that you have a problem with the buh-ric, probably because it's clear you're not getting any. Might I suggest a large cucumber?
Despite your apparent dislike for my menu-planning services, I bear you no ill will, Flo, because it is my mission in life to help everyone, including a horny diner cow such as yourself, achieve happiness through good eating, something you apparently never experienced in all your years working at Mel's. (And I don't mean the kind of eating you might have experienced while in a prone position.)
So Says the buh-ric!
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Post by rikki_rakko on Apr 28, 2004 20:31:58 GMT -7
I think our friend Cochino said it best:
"It's gettin' hot in heeeeeerrrrrrrreeeee!!!"
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Post by FloCastleberry on Apr 30, 2004 9:40:36 GMT -7
Baltimore Prick, oops... I mean buh-ric-
Didn't your Papa teach to treat ladies like me with respect? Do you think your words hurt me? My first husband Tommy Joe, he could cuss me up and down a blue streak, call me all kinda names, but it was Bubba Ray, my third husband that knew how to hurt woman real good. Fists like giant meat hooks. That man knew how to kick a woman in the belly. I'd give you his number so's you could get a lesson from a real man, but they buried that sum-bitch 6 feet down. That's right, buh-ric, I shot that bastard. Think about that you little sissy-boy, while your eatin' your little Juice Bar Sangwich with it's girly sprouts and organic tuna crap. Is your Mama proud of you, buh-ric? I doubt it.
Why don't you moessy on over to Flo's trailer tonight? I'll show you what it means to be a reeeal man. See if we can't milk some fun out of those raisins you call testicles. You got hair down in them parts yet buh-ric? I might even let you slap me around a bit, if you think your man enough. I'm sure Onyx could handle a real woman. Kiss my Grits!
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Post by baltimore_buh-ric on Apr 30, 2004 15:22:38 GMT -7
So, Flo, I'd take you up on your offer to make me a "reeeal man," but sorry, I have to pass. I'm not into man-on-man action. (Sorry, rodgerlodge.)
So Says the buh-ric!
btw- I agree with you, I'm sure the Onyx could handle a real woman.
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Post by Cochino on May 2, 2004 0:54:05 GMT -7
Dear Flo and buh-ric,
It's obvious that the playful flriting between you two is about to spill over like a jar full of milky, wet mayonnaise. Why don't you two just get it over with?
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Post by da BuhriC on May 3, 2004 22:32:21 GMT -7
Hoo dat Baltimo' buh-ric? Da REAL Buh-riC be in da Huhzous!
Don't worry yoself sad lil clown buh-ric, da Buh-riC don't front on your beeatch Flo Dingleberreee.
laydeez all on my nutz-ak!
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Post by Cochino muerto on May 4, 2004 0:26:34 GMT -7
Her Buh-ric,
Welcome to the board. It's always nie to have non-English speaking members.
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Post by WeezyJefferson on Jul 15, 2004 1:33:19 GMT -7
I am proud to have a fine upstanding black gentleman like The Onyx Chef represented here. We should celebrate all races and colors here at the RDS board. Regardless, black is best.
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Post by Cochino Muerto on Jul 15, 2004 17:10:27 GMT -7
Welcome a-board Weezy, You say that black is best, but let's clarify that we're not speaking of thievery or carpentry...two skills which the black blood naturally lends itself to. |
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Post by WeezyJefferson on Jul 15, 2004 22:28:17 GMT -7
Carpentry? That means hard work! No thanks. I have a colored lady that cleans my house and she black, cause, as you know, black is best!
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And thanks for the compliment - I am "slick talking."
